Mm not sure where to start. Feel very very anxious . have whole arm rubbing thing going on . not good. Right shall I explain.
Well lets start with the good. He sent a lovely bunch of flowers and chocolates to me. Obviously had thought about it and done it . good sign I think. He brought chocolates from Switzerland. Very small bag but to be honest not expecting anything !!!!
Bad – well this is going to sound mad. He uses if a lot in conjunction to future events – think this is indicative of his commitment. I would use when . is this important? Well he refers to kids marriage and sometimes with me. I think what is worrying me is this shows some sort of uncomitment /problem on his behalf. This is exacerbated by insecurity on my part about how he feels like words not joined by actions. I think deep down that I feel I deserve some sort of compensation for his age – like fantastic something. Suppose the physical side is great but emotionally it is not good. I feel he doent understand me on some level…
anyway this is the reason i started all this
http://ideamatt.blogspot.com/2005/11/handling-worries-keep-list-schedule.html
Second instalment.
Writing this is scary cos it gives it life almost. Well he got back from his holiday at 6 ish . I was pissed at him for a few things mpstly in my head – not sure what at the time. Don’t think I could be bothered with him that weekend.
I phone him and says he is going out for a drink. This after at 9 oclock text of “ just existing on the sofa cant do anything” then phone at 9.30 and he is going out or a drink with someone – he changes his story about who he rung first . he is going out with a female friend after I get to the bottom of it. I went mad. Why? Because he had barely been home and it was latish . felt like he had phoned this pwerson up specially. Then to make it worse he say he saw her 4 months ago and made some story up about the cinema saying it was 4 months ago and really it was a good 7 months previously. Makes me thing it all isn’t right .
When questioned he just says he has a “bad “ memory – wel;l that isn’t right either so …. Problem is the hair – explanation didn’t fit. Etc
Think I nned to calm down and properly think about what I want.
Positive and \negative
Think it is time to finish it really or do a surprise visit !!!
Mmm me thinks next wed would be good.